New Research shows Edward Furlong is not a unit of measurement.
Nudist Jihad not a major concern, say White House analysts.
Ann Coulter rationalizes that hamburger actually tuna on wheat
"Room with a View II: Niche with an Appeasing Scape" fails to impress at Box Office
New Iraq War Plan: Bush promses more of what's not working.
New study shows poverty and sadness linked
Testicles may not be included in Bush’s new package
Black Caucasian Chinese Jewish Woman Little Person with Aids and Spina Bifida who looks like Steve Guttenberg and is dating an underage cripple with leprosy hired by Pirates Weekly. So now we can say anything. Fuck off.
Bush finally admits why were in iraq “Fill up your car for ten bucks.”
Rise in Afghan poppy cultivation the only good news in the world
New Survey shows US National Character has a DC of -2
Steve Guttenberg still not a suspect, say Jonbenet DA's.
Iran continues enrichment of uranium, chocolate delights
Slacker dilutes slightly bad milk with greater ratio of cocoa puffs
Tina Yothers may be the next Steve Guttenberg say Pirates Weekly Analysts
American High School girls more likely get pregnant if exposed to Steve Guttenberg, say analysts
Pacific ‘Dead Zone’ is worse than previously thought. In addition to thousands of dead crab, several Anthony Michael Halls have been uncovered.
9-11 conspiracy theorists severely overestimate the American governments potential
New War Intelligence: Canadians may use echolocation
New Sex Study shows teens more willing to have anal sex. Unfortunately, it doesn't say where.
Tropical Storm Chris has been downgraded to depression this week; sighting alcohol, pain killer addiction.
New Research: Universe could be bigger and older then previously thought; in addition it may be crankier and more prone to bar fights.
Global Warming could diminish American food supplies. But Republican advisors say much like Hoo Doo Magic, it won't effect you if you don't believe in it.
Paris Hilton tells Us Weekly, "I'm celibate." In related news; Steve Guttenberg is the new pink.
Nissan's new Vagina car may suffer indecencies
Lebanon and Syria unite to form Voltron.
Germans unveil new car that runs on complex superiority
Friends who don't let friends drink and drive are more likely to be shot by belligerent alcoholics who carry firearms.
Steve Guttenberg will lead you to true masculine sensitivity
Genitals may be unpatriotic, say Bush analysts
Bush admits he's a 'two steps back' kinda guy
UN sanctions against North Korea may include Steve Guttenberg
Mary Stuart Masterson and Mary Elizibeth Mastrantonio finally have it out.
Fundamentalist Extremist Trancendalists group demand reparations from Collective Soul
Bryan Singer Vows to ruin everything
The winner of Fox's New Hit Reality Show, So You Think You can Predict the Path of an Electron, may have cheated
Kim Jong Il admits to building a “Thunderdome” in anticipation of Post-nuclear apocalypse
Pauly Shore to take lead in upcoming Bio-Pic about Steve Guttenberg
White House aids thought to be more contagious then regular aids
New Study shows New studies may be older than previously thought
Physicists alarming report: Electrons found to be Bi-Positive Bi-Curious
Iran constructs giant hand for America to talk to
Farmers Almanac reports line of Numenore officially spent
Brody hires Quint to kill The Shark
New NYC Freedom Tower will have lighted spire; Laser guided THUNDERSABER object to air collision defence grid
Bill Gates will retire from day-to-day operations to spend more time with wife and children at Megiddo.
Albert Robert Qaeda has not known a moments peace since 2001
Kazakhstan's first satellite will be a lot like Voyager, but transmitting messages of despair, economic oppression, ugly prostitutes, black leather jackets, and poorly made sedans.
Johnny 5 is alive say stereotypical Indian scientists. In related news; Ally Sheedy is thought to be rumor and here say
Bush talks with advisors about Iraq future; Lots of flying cars, neon and A.I.'s going haywire and trying to enslave mankind.
NSA will save you money on your long distance service.
Florida given hurricane warning effective until the sun novas
Palestine unable to recognize Israel because they keep blowing it up
Murkshroud the Hellbound sues Dungeons & Dragons for defamation of character
Canadians may not have genitalia, say many US Scientists.
Feminist-Naturalist-Animal Rights Activist admits shaving beaver.
LOTR fans bummed to find out that Bush is actually not Sauron.
Indonesian quake victims wait desperately for Sean Penn to save them
Americans predict future: Lots of running and screaming.
Space-Time found to be five hours ahead of Pacific Coast time.
New vaginas spark controversy
Canada claims to have no perspective
I will never know peace
Peer pressure found to be the primary selection pressure of the human species.
Americans to store tupperware in new Iraqi cabinet.
National Weather Service predicts a rough genocide season this year
Canada to unveil tragedies
New "Nazi Shower Gell" may be misleading
Shallow graves found to be too materialistic
Gods of Olympus blame Promethius for enriched Uranium, Nukes.
Iran found to be populated entirely by Frenchman.
The last few weeks, the News Frags have "kinda sucked", admits Fifth Community Spokesman
"Free citizenship for anyone who wants it" bill passed, along with impenetrable border-wall inititive.
"Da Vinci Code" apparently far more controversial than priests raping alter boys in the name of God.
World shocked by sudden rising of Taoist Holy War against everyone
Man indicted for collecting bear arms says he has constitutional right
Quirky girl with zest for life teaches anal retentive stuffed-shirt how to embrace lifes randomness
New study shows 8 out of 10 men prefer their nuts teabagged instead of oven roasted
Microsoft buys Europe after EU Anti-trust ruling.
John Wayne estate denies involvement in Duke Rape Case
First ever "Wet Birka" contest scandalizes Kuwaiti men
Bush calls for Nuclei to be removed from all the atoms in Iran
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes give birth to the Dientechnician, the Scientology Messiah that will lead all true followers to the unreactive paradise of Multivitamins and Enemas.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinhtiasdj*#^hwjWhat's-HIS-Fuck says the destruction of Israel is just part of a comprehensive Iranian energy package
Iran reports that new balistic missle will only be used for municple energy and not in conjunction with the Nuclear Weapons that they are not building
Bi-Curious George books beat out Harry Potter with kids
Cartoonist fails to spark bloody controversy with lampooning of Buddha
Scientists prove that sitting does not help digest bad news
Naughty Bombs found alongside dirty bombs in Afgan weapons cache