Advent of Columbine Video Game; America Reaches New Level of Post-Culural Evolution
Airlines Ban People From Flight
America Breaths Sigh of Relief; Canada Vote to Extend it's Tropp Presence in Afganistan
America Launches Probe to Investigate Alleged World History
America Steps up Fear Tactics to Fuel Consumerism
American Refugees Emigrate to Valinor
Americans Teens Face New Danger
Americans Illegaly Immigrate in Search of Mexican and Canadian Dreams
Area Man Disappointed to Find Out his Spirit Animal is a Paramecium
Britney Not Talking to Skylar, reports Dana
Bronson Pinchot May Still Be Alive
Bush Declares New Years Eve and American Holiday...Only American
Bush Fights Back Against Global Warming
Bush Orders Emergency Aid to Jupiter
Bush Proposes Using Alternative Lifestyles as Alternative Fuel Source
Bush Thaws Relationship with NAACP
Canadians Take Advantage or America's Mexican Distractions
Charlie Walsh Set To Replace Leavy In Super Bowl XLI
Clerics Call for Jihad on Todd, Andy, Ian and Justin
Controversial Editorialist Doesn't See What the Big Deal is About 9-11
Corporations to be given AI personalities
Crime Scene Investigation Turns Out to be Pretty Uninteresting
"Darkness of the Light in the Darkness" Sweeps Oscars
Drive By Reenactments Set to Oust Cival War Reenactments
Elmo Sent to Lebenon to Negotiate Peace, Hugs
Fallujah New Hot Spot Destination for Tourists
First Verifed Human Clone Turns Out to Be No Big Deal, Hollywood Reeling
Flashing Genocide Pop-Up Ad puts Damper on Myspace Session
Florida Citizens Speak Out in Defense of Thier Home
Gateway to New Dimensions Eclipsed by Shaved Head
'Gettin' by' Dubbed Worlds Worst Video Game By Experts
God Announces That Holy Land Is Actually in Dayton, Ohio
Golden Calf Worship Makes A Comback as God Worship Plummets
Hawking Propones Space Colonization, Porn
High School Spear-Thwoing Clubs Spark Controversy
Insider Look At Disneyland's New Haunted Detention Center
Intelegent Life Found in Sean Penn; Academy Stunned
Iran Attempts to Aquire Schizo-Fusion Antimatter
Iran Clarifies Their Nuclear Position
Iran Plans to Expand Nuclear "Activies"
Irans New Missle Shaped Nuclear Power Plant Raises International Concerns
Iraqi Translation Mishap; Haditha Deaths Were The Fualt of Marine Mammals
Lindsay Lohan Checks Into Rehab
Local Man Not Afraid of Bird Flu
Locan Man Not Afraid of India or China
Local Pals Discuss Women While Playing Some One-on-One
Local Woman Acknowledges Funiness of Suitors Antecdote, But Doesn't Laugh
Maturbation Linked to Temporary Blindess, Depression
Michael Flatly Just One of several Warlords of the Dance
Michael Keatons Eyebrows Win Academy Award
Microorganisms Discovered to Be Lazy
Minute Men Defense Corps Stakes Out Borderland, Only to be Met With Tradgedy
More Teen Violence Blamed on Video Games
MTV Under Fire for Upcoming Real World
MR.T Endures Nietzschean Soul-Crisis
Nancy Pilosi Quotes Mayor of Rock Ridge
Neaderthals Reperations Spark Controversy
New "Fuck Me" Elmo Widens the Elmo Demographic
New Hollywood Religious Fads Have Anaylists Concerned
New Legislation: Midgets Must Live Underground by 2008
New Legislation will Force Repeat Sex Offenders to Stay Within Local Limits
New Research Suggests Global Warming Still Acutally Not Really Real
New "Sentient" Elmo raises Concers, Fisher Price Profits
New study demonstrates classics won't be with us forever
North Korea Baffles U.N. With Rejection of Sanctions
North Korea to Help Iran Set off Small, Vaguely Nuclear Blast
NYC's Freedom Tower Will Have 20 Windowless Stories, Mirrors
Pagans Demand Reparations From Christians
Pat Roberston Tells Foloowers that Overwieght Woman Are Leading America's Youth to Damnation
PC User Attempts to Defrag Pile of Silicon Dust
Oil Industry Executives Deny Inflating Cost of Gasoline
Probes Investigate, But Can We Trust Them?
Reddish-Pink Slime Found Flowing Beneath the Middle East
Second Missle Interceptor a Success
Shiahs and Sunni's Face-off in Well Coregraphed Dance-Street Fight
Slacker Cell Discovered in Detroit Michigan
Sleeping Grants are Handed Out in Canada
Stephan Hawking Abandones Theoretical Physics For Pimpin'
U.N. Bird Flu Chief: Expect More Cases
U.S. Reels in Shock; Zarqawi Has successor
White houses Proposes New Broad Reaching Initiatives to End America's Dependency on Foreign Food
World's Worst Kamikaze Found After 62 Years