BIRD FLU TO BE RENAMED 'THAT FLU THAT KILLS PEOPLE AND BIRDS'

 The Bush administration has launched a ten billion dollar media campaign to correct what Bush called, "A sad lack of clarities in the words of the diseases for the peoples."

Spokesmen, after ushering a bewildered-looking Bush out of the pressroom, told reporters that renaming the disease was the first step in defeating it.

"It kills people and birds," said one of the spokesmen. "Who's gonna steer clear of something called Bird Flu? I mean, hello?"

Being the Magog, I felt compelled to point out that everyone already knows that humans are susceptible, and that ten billion dollars would fund a lot of vaccine research.

The spokesmen, upon hearing this, began to twitch and convulse and emit piercing shrieks. I had to hand it to them: they were getting creative with their issue-dodging. The press fled in terror, except for me. I wanted to see how long they could keep it up. Turns out, they can go for about twenty hours, when their batteries abruptly die.