PIRATES WEEKLY - Bronson Pinchot may still be alive

Bronson Pinchot may still be alive

Recent findings at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory and the Fermilab particle accelerator suggest that TV’s Balky might still be alive, and furthermore that Balky was not a real person, but a ‘fictional character’ played by an ‘actor’ named Bronson Pinchot.

“These are bold conjectures,” said Dick Cheney at Monday press conference. “But they are just that, conjectures. There’s no need to panic.”

Despite the corporate stooge’s flatly delivered media-byte, the Dow has plummeted, and men are forming decapitation-cults in the streets of Chicago. North Korea is moving an expeditionary force toward the DMZ, citing the Pinchot as “a final proof that dialectical materialism is the only way for the means of production to rest finally in the hands of the people.”

“I mean, hello???” whined Michael Moore at a Tuesday lecture. “Didn’t anyone see True Romance? I mean, come on!” No one is quite sure what he meant by this, and his stance on Pinchot is hard to discern. Meanwhile, Stephen Hawking has stated flatly that Mr. Pinchot is “a reprehensible man, deserving not only the ire of mankind, but the blind, sterilizing retribution of a supernova or quasar.”




	Bronson Pinchot may still be alive Recent findings at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory and the Fermilab particle accelerator suggest that TV’s Balky might still be alive, and furthermore that Balky was not a real person, but a ‘fictional character’ played by an ‘actor’ named Bronson Pinchot. “These are bold conjectures,” said Dick Cheney at Monday press conference. “But they are just that, conjectures. There’s no need to panic.” Despite the corporate stooge’s flatly delivered media-byte, the Dow has plummeted, and men are forming decapitation-cults in the streets of Chicago. North Korea is moving an expeditionary force toward the DMZ, citing the Pinchot as “a final proof that dialectical materialism is the only way for the means of production to rest finally in the hands of the people.” “I mean, hello???” whined Michael Moore at a Tuesday lecture. “Didn’t anyone see True Romance? I mean, come on!” No one is quite sure what he meant by this, and his stance on Pinchot is hard to discern. Meanwhile, Stephen Hawking has stated flatly that Mr. Pinchot is “a reprehensible man, deserving not only the ire of mankind, but the blind, sterilizing retribution of a supernova or quasar.” More on this enigma as it develops.