PIRATES WEEKLY - Bush Fights Back Against Global Warming

BUSH FIGHTS BACK AGAINST GLOBAL WARMING

Al Gore may have himself another chance at the big seat come next election, due mostly to his new stance on Global Warming. Al Gore has been thrust back into the public eye with the film “An Inconvenient Truth,” which most Critics are hailing as gloriously “Inconvenient.” The film, which exposes the cause and effects of Global Warming and warns of a desperate future to come, has many republicans up in arms. Many on the right, backed not only by a scientist, but also by millions of dollars from big oil and mega-corporations, say, “It just isn’t true.” And they have the research to prove it. New studies released by the government and again, funded greatly by oil corporations clearly proves that the man-made deterioration of the environment is not having any effect on the planet. The studies apparently illustrate conclusively that, A. The delicate balance of the eco-system and the interactivity of all life on earth as an organism are not affected by mankind’s gross mismanagement of global resources and the proliferation of environmentally damaging wastes. B. That what looks like Global Warming is actually a natural occurrence that is tied in with something called “Geography.” And C. Mr. President loves you.

With that in mind, The White House called a press conference on Friday, specifically so the President could alleviate fears of a dying earth that would leave our grandchildren to shovel pig shit until MasterBlaster, who run Barter town, call Auntie and tell her that an Embargo is “On.”

President Bush was calm when he spoke, saying that he “understood the problem at hand,” and “had a clear direction.” He took several pauses in which he seemed litteraly to die, but then one of his aids would quickly put another quarter behind his ear and he would start up again.

“The main problem here is not that there is a whole in the ozone, or that earth is dying or some such. The problem here is clearly the melting of the polar ice caps.”

Many reporters were taken aback by what appeared to be a 180 turn around not only in Bush’s environmental policies, but in his beliefs. The shock didn’t last long. Bush continued, defining “Sanctions,” that would be placed on the Ice Caps if they did not return to their original non-melting state.

“If diplomatic sanctions do not work, we will send troops to the polar ice caps. And if we have to, and I’m saying have to here, we will use Weapons of Mass Destruction. I am fully ready, and wiling to destroy the Mass in the Polar Ice Caps if they do not submit to the will of mankind.”

Shortly afterwards the president was placed outside a Supermarket, and any child with a quarter could ride him.




	BUSH FIGHTS BACK AGAINST GLOBAL WARMING Al Gore may have himself another chance at the big seat come next election, due mostly to his new stance on Global Warming. Al Gore has been thrust back into the public eye with the film “An Inconvenient Truth,” which most Critics are hailing as gloriously “Inconvenient.” The film, which exposes the cause and effects of Global Warming and warns of a desperate future to come, has many republicans up in arms. Many on the right, backed not only by a scientist, but also by millions of dollars from big oil and mega-corporations, say, “It just isn’t true.” And they have the research to prove it. New studies released by the government and again, funded greatly by oil corporations clearly proves that the man-made deterioration of the environment is not having any effect on the planet. The studies apparently illustrate conclusively that, A. The delicate balance of the eco-system and the interactivity of all life on earth as an organism are not affected by mankind’s gross mismanagement of global resources and the proliferation of environmentally damaging wastes. B. That what looks like Global Warming is actually a natural occurrence that is tied in with something called “Geography.” And C. Mr. President loves you. With that in mind, The White House called a press conference on Friday, specifically so the President could alleviate fears of a dying earth that would leave our grandchildren to shovel pig shit until MasterBlaster, who run Barter town, call Auntie and tell her that an Embargo is “On.” President Bush was calm when he spoke, saying that he “understood the problem at hand,” and “had a clear direction.” He took several pauses in which he seemed litteraly to die, but then one of his aids would quickly put another quarter behind his ear and he would start up again. “The main problem here is not that there is a whole in the ozone, or that earth is dying or some such. The problem here is clearly the melting of the polar ice caps.” Many reporters were taken aback by what appeared to be a 180 turn around not only in Bush’s environmental policies, but in his beliefs. The shock didn’t last long. Bush continued, defining “Sanctions,” that would be placed on the Ice Caps if they did not return to their original non-melting state. “If diplomatic sanctions do not work, we will send troops to the polar ice caps. And if we have to, and I’m saying have to here, we will use Weapons of Mass Destruction. I am fully ready, and wiling to destroy the Mass in the Polar Ice Caps if they do not submit to the will of mankind.” Shortly afterwards the president was placed outside a Supermarket, and any child with a quarter could ride him.