Bush orders emergency aid to Jupiter

In a desperate bid to up his approval rating, Bush on Monday announced a 20 billion dollar aid package that will be launched at Jupiter.

The announcement followed news of a coming “super storm” on the gas giant. The storm known as the Great Red Spot, twice as large as Earth, will rub shoulders with a younger tempest dubbed Red Jr. on July 4, with potentially catastrophic results.

Bush, having bungled Katrina, is looking to make amends with the Jovian aid package, a cash gift of 20 billion in negotiable bearer bonds, which physicists expect to burn up in the superheated lower levels of Jupiter’s atmosphere. Apparently, Bush’s environmental advisors considered this outcome, but couldn’t analyze it properly: they are weak on science dealing with atmospheres, and temperatures.