Canadians take advantage of America’s Mexican distractions

Thousands of Canadian peasants have been crossing the border recently, huddled masses seeking a better life in the Land of Plenty, while that Land’s resources are directed toward repelling Mexican terrorists and freeloaders.

At a refugee camp in the hills of North Dakota, thousands of families wait, and hope, families displaced by the Manitoba Ethnic Cleansing, and the Alberta Plague. Red Cross workers amazed these pitiful masses with demonstrations of electromagnetism. Wide-eyed, they received vaccinations, metal cookware, and stared slack-jawed at ‘talking pictures,’ which greatly amused them but frightened some of their tribal shamans.

Meanwhile, Bush has proposed annexing all that unclaimed territory to our north loosely referred to as ‘Canada,’ a potluck of warring kingdoms, clans, and hunter-gatherers with no lawful territorial rights. Bush wants to make it our 51^st state, but the French have objected. When asked to elaborate, the French ambassador responded with a 3-hour surrealist film that consisted of teeth scraping chalkboard for the first 2.5 hours, followed by a giant purple number 6 being raped by a succession of elephants, to Buddy Holly’s Peggy Sue.

In related news, Fred Durst deserves to be raped by Elephants.