CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION TRUNS OUT TO BE PRETTY UNINTERESTING; Mostly Guess Work and Playing Hunches

Almost every night millions of Americans sit down in front of their glowing boxes to escape their reality and join in the real-to-life escapades of deputized forensic investigators. But how “real-to-life” is it? Can chasing down criminal DNA and logging viral samples really be that interesting?

“No” says Chief of Forensic Investigations For NYPD, Bill Smith, “It’s actually some of the most mind numbing, tedious work I’ve ever known. I should have been a life guard.”  Apparently, everyone in the New York CSI group feels the same way. Hours and hours pouring over small samples, and constantly squinting into the microscope has made CSI one of the least requested jobs in the division.

“We’re not really that high tech," Says Smith, referring to the CBS show CSI, “Sure we catalogue a few things, but really, we do very little scientific investigation. Actually, I don’t even go to the crime scene anymore. Most of what we do here is playing hunches, and betting in a pool. Astrology is a big part of what we do as well."

CBS has plans to release a fourth CSI show direct-to-video, this one entitled: CSI: Uganda will star Mario Van Peebles as a reclusive, tough as nails investigator with a sensitive side.

“This show will be a real departure character wise,” said producer Jerry Bruckheimer, who’s allegiance to Satan has made him very successful, “In CSI: we follow the exploits of a few sensitive investigators with a tough as nails side, who are kinda reclusive. In CSI: Miami, we have a main character that is not only tough as nails, reclusive and sensitive, but David Caruso.  Now we have Mario Van Peebels, and that can only mean one thing.”  He declined to comment on what that one thing may be.

Look for season one of CSI: Uganda in your local Best Buy, Wal-Mart and other fine retailers with a heart.