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WORLDS FIRST MIMP BORN IN TENNESSEE

Science has been looking at cloning for years, and mixing two genetic signatures hasn’t ever been completely off the table. Just last year a human ear was grafted onto the neck of a Giraffe, who could then hear over 13 feet above the ground. With the tallest man in recorded history only being 8ft 11 inches, it marked not only a successful genetic grafting of cross species material, but more importantly, it was the first time that a human ear had ever been able to listen from that height (Excluding buildings, steps, and standing on tall midgets.)

But science doesn’t have all the answers, and sometimes, instead of beakers, burners, tests and equations, instead of the logic of scientific method which has recently been discredited by leading white house analysts, life needs something more. And something far simpler: Love.

It was love that changed Fredrich Munchnic’s life forever. Once a lonely introvert who’s only communication with the outside world was by clipping out plus size lingerie ads and sending them to underage handicapped children marked urgent, Fredric now rejoices in the freedom and love he has found with Flo, a female chimpanzee who was freed by PITA freedom fighters from a zoo where she was well fed and had plenty of room.

PITA spokesman Edward Furlong, who seemed to be without his skin, had this to say, “Chimpanzees, and all animals for that matter, should be and are entitled to the same rights, privileges and life as human beings. They have the right to freedom, the right love. That’s why PITA and I fully endorse the MCLA.”

The MCLA, short for Man Chimp Love Association, was founded in 2000, by Wilford Brimley and a small group of animal lovers who wanted to know more about animals. In the biblical sense. And it was at an MCLA meeting last December that shut-in Fredrich Munchnic met his wife to be; Flo. The two were wed by an angry badger who had been ordained on line, with many Man-Chimp couples in attendance. Finally, Fredrich had found a place where he belonged, and where he need not be alone. But something was missing. Though it would not be missing for long.

Last week Fredrich Munchnic’s life finally became complete. He and Flo, now celebrated by the MCLA, gave birth to the first Mimp, a half man, half chimp bundle of joy.

“We’re fucking ecstatic,” Said MCLA founder Wilford Brimley, “I’m mean, it all doesn’t mean a goddamn fucking thing if you don’t fucking bring a life into this fucken world. Godamn fucken right, we got ourselves a fucken mimp and we’re just fucken proud.”

Mr. Brimley nodded, singling the end of the statement. He then mumbled something about diabetes’s and climbed aboard a spaceship that specializes in taking old people “up there.” Initial reports say Steve Guttenberg was left behind.

Fredrich and Flo’s child can be seen on the up coming Discovery Special, “Mimp: Half-Man, Half-Chimp, all Primate!”




	WORLDS FIRST MIMP BORN IN TENNESSEE Science has been looking at cloning for years, and mixing two genetic signatures hasn’t ever been completely off the table. Just last year a human ear was grafted onto the neck of a Giraffe, who could then hear over 13 feet above the ground. With the tallest man in recorded history only being 8ft 11 inches, it marked not only a successful genetic grafting of cross species material, but more importantly, it was the first time that a human ear had ever been able to listen from that height (Excluding buildings, steps, and standing on tall midgets.) But science doesn’t have all the answers, and sometimes, instead of beakers, burners, tests and equations, instead of the logic of scientific method which has recently been discredited by leading white house analysts, life needs something more. And something far simpler: Love. It was love that changed Fredrich Munchnic’s life forever. Once a lonely introvert who’s only communication with the outside world was by clipping out plus size lingerie ads and sending them to underage handicapped children marked urgent, Fredric now rejoices in the freedom and love he has found with Flo, a female chimpanzee who was freed by PITA freedom fighters from a zoo where she was well fed and had plenty of room. PITA spokesman Edward Furlong, who seemed to be without his skin, had this to say, “Chimpanzees, and all animals for that matter, should be and are entitled to the same rights, privileges and life as human beings. They have the right to freedom, the right love. That’s why PITA and I fully endorse the MCLA.” The MCLA, short for Man Chimp Love Association, was founded in 2000, by Wilford Brimley and a small group of animal lovers who wanted to know more about animals. In the biblical sense. And it was at an MCLA meeting last December that shut-in Fredrich Munchnic met his wife to be; Flo. The two were wed by an angry badger who had been ordained on line, with many Man-Chimp couples in attendance. Finally, Fredrich had found a place where he belonged, and where he need not be alone. But something was missing. Though it would not be missing for long. Last week Fredrich Munchnic’s life finally became complete. He and Flo, now celebrated by the MCLA, gave birth to the first Mimp, a half man, half chimp bundle of joy. “We’re fucking ecstatic,” Said MCLA founder Wilford Brimley, “I’m mean, it all doesn’t mean a goddamn fucking thing if you don’t fucking bring a life into this fucken world. Godamn fucken right, we got ourselves a fucken mimp and we’re just fucken proud.” Mr. Brimley nodded, singling the end of the statement. He then mumbled something about diabetes’s and climbed aboard a spaceship that specializes in taking old people “up there.” Initial reports say Steve Guttenberg was left behind. Fredrich and Flo’s child can be seen on the up coming Discovery Special, “Mimp: Half-Man, Half-Chimp, all Primate!”