Michael Flatly Just One of several Warlords of the Dance  

A recent CIA study has suggested that Michael Flatley, hitherto considered the Lord of the Dance, is really one of several de facto military chieftains whose rivalries have torn the Dance apart.  

“Flatley has control of the northeastern Dance,” said CIA head Porter Goss at a Monday press conference. “It’s a mountainous region full of caves, where Flatley has managed to unite the local tribes against their traditional enemies in the southern Dance.”   

Analysts have traced this schism to a genocide in southwestern Dance in 1923. Since the ’79 coup, the Dance has been brought to its knees by civil war and economic sanctions. Eastern Dance has become a breeding ground for terrorists and illegal poppy production. Flatley, no longer receiving arms from Russia, has been courting CIA operatives in hopes of turning the tide. “I love the dance,” Flatley told a BBC correspondent in March. “The Dance is my life, and I won’t rest until she is whole again.”