Hawking Propones Space Colonization, Porn

Physicist Stephen Hawking, at a recent lecture in China, put forth the colonization of space as mankind’s long-term survival gambit, but Chinese censors removed the second part of his statement. The Pirates, using their contacts in the Chinese jell-o industry, have recovered the lost fragment of Professor Hawking’s speech:

“In order to expedite mankind’s journey to the stars, we must accept the perhaps embarrassing fact that technology is driven by porn. We must not only accept this fact, but embrace it.”

Hawking went on to outline an international program of 0 G lesbianism, geosynchronous anal, and nuke-propelled gangbangs. The audience, already in shock, was floored by Hawking’s suggestion that he not only direct, but star in much of the porn. “I’m the smartest man on the planet,” he bragged. “I should be getting trim left and right.”