IRAN ATTEMPTS TO AQUIRE SCHIZOFUSION ANTIMATTER

Tehran, Iran

In the latest series of setbacks to befall the already beleaguered U.S. lead international debate team competing in Tehran, Iranian President Ahmuhamedajinbinahineajad exclaimed that it’s recent acquisition was a key buy for energy stores and not an attempt to build a “Super Weapon” as many U.S., British and Canadian analysts have said.

“We have a right to grow as a nation.” The Iranian President said as he addressed an international body of representatives and Canadians. “We have the right to prosper, and to become a great nation."

But experts are concerned. “I don’t care what he says, he’s building a Goddamn Death ray.” Reported Anthropologist Beth Gilmore, who is currently sitting on the International Thallium Energy Agency. 

But Ahmadinejad rejects Gilmore’s analysis saying, “We are not building A Galactic Death ray. We have acquired the large amounts of Destabilized Thallium Schizofusion Antimatter, only as an energy source aimed directly at Israel that can power our cities for years to come."

U.S. Astrophysicist William Petersberg can only slap his forward. “It’s fucking Destabilized Thallium for Christ’s sake! You can only use it to build a Galactic Death Ray!”

Talks will continue next week, and America still threatens use of it’s Irradiating Event Horizon Transmutation Blaster if Iran refuses to disclose their Thallium Death Ray initiatives.