IRAN’S NEW MISSILE-SHAPED NUCLEAR POWER PLANT RAISES INTERNATIONAL CONCERNS

UN Nuclear Inspectors are expressing concern over a fission reactor discovered in Tehran on Monday.

Not only is the power plant unprecedentedly small, implying a level of technology decades beyond the rest of the world, but it’s shaped like an intercontinental ballistic missile, on standby.

Iran's nuclear negotiator, Ali Larijani, had this to say: “The new plant was designed by controversial architect and Frenchman Pierre Lafayette. The shape of the reactor, while potentially alarming to western superpowers, is nothing more than a fashion statement.”

Mr. Lafayette, currently at work on a bio-containment-canister-shaped coffee thermos, told reporters: “I wanted to convey a phallic, upward-striving, yet elegant symmetry with the reactor design. It all goes back to the symbolic post-modern aesthetic movement of neo-formalism in the early 1970s, with an eye toward…” Whereupon he dispensed with speech and began a performance art piece involving a chimpanzee dressed as Hitler, and grapes.

UN Inspectors will continue their investigation of the reactor, including a purportedly decorative guidance system aimed at Washington.