IRAQI TRANSLATION MISUNDERSTANDING: HADITHA DEATHS MAY HAVE INVOLVED MARINE MAMMALS

“We have been involved in deep, deep investigating” Said Military Spokesperson Col. William Pharaoh Jackson at an impromptu press conference at which Wine, Beer and Cheese were served to anyone wearing a banana as a side arm. “And we now have concluded that bad translation services led us to believe that Marines executed 24 civilians. We now know that it was Marine Mammals.”

Times Reporter Steve Bluebelt: I’m sorry, a Marine Mammal?

“Mammals, Plural. Mainly Dolphins, Spectacled Porpoises…” Replied Col. Jackson, Noting: “We believe this was the work of the fundamentalist group known as the Rising Glory of the Eleven Dolphins, which my also be responsible for several Cruise Ship attacks around Baghdad.”

Michael Moore was on scene to call the whole thing a cover-up with a few well-placed scapegoats, namely Dolphins.

Political response has been mixed, with Democrats calling for Immediate Ocean Reform, Republicans calling for U.N. sanctions against the Pacific and Atlantic, and Libertarians standing around wondering what the fuck they really stand for.

In a recent poll 72% of land mammals have always thought that Dolphins were a bit shady.