Local Man Not Afraid of Bird Flu

With China announcing the first Human Bird Flu case of 2007, humanity is instantly reminded that's it's fragile purchase upon the bluffs of existence is constantly threatened in the ever-present shadow of annihilation by the intrepid evils of nature in the form of insidious Global epediemia. "We live our lives on borrowed time" Says minimilist-anthropologist turned paranormal-ornithologist Jackson Dawking, "A plague is coming. It isn't a matter of when, it's just a matter of...actually it's a matter of when."

But Mark Johnson of Bridgeport, Indiana admitted tuesday that he is not afraid of bird flu. Despite the continued threat that toys with the very fabric of the human security blanket, taunting it with complete oblivion, the factory-worker and father of four is not really concerned. Even though the absolute destruction of all life as we know it looms on the inhospitable horizon, Johnson refuses to acknowledge that his very life, and the lives of his family, are just moments from being snuffed out of being like a candle in the winds of nothingness.

News reporters camped out on the Johnson's front lawn, waiting for the man to emerge. But the Johnson house stayed silent. Neighbors interviewed earlier have alleged that Johnson may not even be afraid of Global warming, Solar Flares or even rouge Black holes.
"It's crazy," said Neighbor Helen Reich, Commandant and propaganda officer for the Neighborhood Watch, "It's like he's not even willing to prepare for the demagnetization of the earths core. What an asshole."

The press was on hand as Johnson, clad in factory overalls stated "I am not afraid of the Bird Flu."
The situation continues to be tense in this once small town of Bridgeport. More bulletins as events warrant.