MICHAEL KEATON’S EYEBROWS RECEIVE LIFETIME ACHEIVEMENT AWARD

From the subtle twitches of My Life to the brazen arches of  Johnny Dangerously, Michael Keaton’s eyebrows have been telling us stories from the tragicomic compendium of human experience for 30 years, and a recalcitrant Oscar will finally recognize them (the eyebrows).

Sardonically acute or playfully obtuse, these eyebrows have given us new paradigms: the stay-at-home dad, the sarcastic superhero. They have revitalized the American auto industry. They are extraordinary. And on__, they received what they deserved.