PIRATES WEEKLY - MICROORGANISMS DISCOVERED TO BE LAZY

MICROORGANISMS DISCOVERED TO BE LAZY

Microbiologists shocked the world on Tuesday with their announcement that microorganisms such as the amoeba, paramecium, and staphylococci bacterium, are in fact lazy. This insight follows years of research into the slow, aimless behavior of the little guys.

Although the finding has come under attack by the world’s scientific community, the scientists, who prefer to remain anonymous, and who, coincidentally, just ran out of grant funding, have promised to hand over their data forthwith.

Meanwhile, stoners everywhere have begun to cite the finding as “naturalistical precedentmants in favor of, like, our shit, and stuff.”




	MICROORGANISMS DISCOVERED TO BE LAZY Microbiologists shocked the world on Tuesday with their announcement that microorganisms such as the amoeba, paramecium, and staphylococci bacterium, are in fact lazy. This insight follows years of research into the slow, aimless behavior of the little guys. Although the finding has come under attack by the world’s scientific community, the scientists, who prefer to remain anonymous, and who, coincidentally, just ran out of grant funding, have promised to hand over their data forthwith. Meanwhile, stoners everywhere have begun to cite the finding as “naturalistical precedentmants in favor of, like, our shit, and stuff.”