NYC’S FREEDOM TOWER will have 20 “windowless” stories at its base

June 28, 2006, New York City

Architect David Childs unveiled the new details of the design at a ceremony of the American Institute of Architects inside 7 World Trade Center, the skyscraper Childs also designed that sits across from ground zero.

“There were security concerns as well as ascetic issues that we have addressed in this final version” Said Childs, “Which is why we have chosen to go they way we did.”

A year ago, concerns were raised that the building would be vulnerable to truck bombs, but the redesign has taken care of that. The new design includes covering the windowless twenty stories with 13-foot prisms.

“This will protect the building from truck bombs,” Said Spokesmen Bill Pennynickle, “As well as people, migrating birds, and any living creature that doesn’t rely mostly on echo location to move about. Anyone approaching the Tower will be immediately blinded by intense overpowering resplendent light.”

Citizens working in the building will be required to wear special “Freedom Glasses” upon approaching the tower, a press release confirmed earlier this week. In addition, signs will be posted on all four corners warning tourists and visitors of the very real possibility of epileptic seizure. The posted warning will be similar to that found in Video Games and include a short but in-depth cautionary tale involving Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.

But despite the nations support of construction, many “Scientists” urge vigilant discretion.

Anthropologist Beth Gilmore, recently involved with newly discovered tomb in Egypt, had this to say at a hastily put together press conference in which reporters were not offered coffee, donuts, or even a mediocre cheese spread, “New studies show that on a sunny day, the Freedom Tower could reflect so much light as to wake the Sun God Ra from his eternal slumber and incur his Mighty wrath.” Her theories were widely discredited by republicans who had heard of “Science,” as well as those expecting at least a Vegetable Tray.

Despite the lack of concern for Ms. Gilmore’s warning, eminent Climate-Geologist and cross-dressing cabinet Maker Earl Prescott Westerhouse III, said the danger laid not in “antiquated religious speculation based on Azgard technology” but in the very real potential for the Tower’s Prisms to direct enough of the suns light to make it a “Veritable nexus of solar energy” burning a whole into the earth, lowering the earths mass and changing it’s orbital path bringing it to a head on collision with Ben Affleck.”

Construction is due to conclude late in Human History.