REDDISH-PINK SLIME DISCOVERED FLOWING BENEATH THE MIDDLE EAST

Scientists on Monday discovered a stratum of luminous Reddish-Pink ooze flowing beneath most of south-central Asia.

“The deposit stretches from Israel in the west to Kashmir in the east,” reported Dr. Beth Gillmore at a recent press conference. “We don’t know what to make of it just yet. I myself have been studying a sample all morning and all I can tell you is that it is some sort of psycho-magnatheric slime...And frankly all of you motherfuckers are getting on my goddamn nerves. Questions questions questions! I got an answer for ya right here. And I’ll tell you something else. We oughta just fucking nuke Canada.”

A smaller deposit was recently discovered beneath LA, with particularly dense concentrations under Culver City.