PIRATES WEEKLY - SECOND MISSLE INTERCEPTOR A SUCCESS

SECOND MISSILE INTERCEPTOR A SUCCESS

After the first interceptor test on Friday, which came off without a hitch, a second test on Sunday proved equally successful.

The new interceptor was slightly different than Friday’s refrigerator-sized, rocket-deployed unit designed for high-altitude collision. “We want a variety of approaches,” Rumsfeld explained. “For instance, the device we tested on Sunday is low-altitude technology. And much cheaper.”

In fact, ‘low-altitude’ is misleading, as the new ‘technology’ is ground-based, and more preemptive than Rumsfeld characterized it, with a large human component he never mentioned. Designed to ‘intercept’ missiles before they leave the ground, or indeed before they’re constructed, the new technology consists of a special ops team and a helicopter. Dropped into 3^rd world regimes evincing nascent missile technology, the team swiftly neutralizes the offending dictator or legally elected president, replacing him with a puppet leader of Corporate America’s choosing.

Sunday’s test occurred in the little-known African Republic of Tatwana. In a matter of hours, the rogue state became a Halliburton septic dump. Corporate spokesman Dick Cheney had this to say: “The Tatwanan’s are better off now. In terms of calories, Halliburton’s shit is richer than millet by orders of magnitude.”




	SECOND MISSILE INTERCEPTOR A SUCCESS After the first interceptor test on Friday, which came off without a hitch, a second test on Sunday proved equally successful. The new interceptor was slightly different than Friday’s refrigerator-sized, rocket-deployed unit designed for high-altitude collision. “We want a variety of approaches,” Rumsfeld explained. “For instance, the device we tested on Sunday is low-altitude technology. And much cheaper.” In fact, ‘low-altitude’ is misleading, as the new ‘technology’ is ground-based, and more preemptive than Rumsfeld characterized it, with a large human component he never mentioned. Designed to ‘intercept’ missiles before they leave the ground, or indeed before they’re constructed, the new technology consists of a special ops team and a helicopter. Dropped into 3^rd world regimes evincing nascent missile technology, the team swiftly neutralizes the offending dictator or legally elected president, replacing him with a puppet leader of Corporate America’s choosing. Sunday’s test occurred in the little-known African Republic of Tatwana. In a matter of hours, the rogue state became a Halliburton septic dump. Corporate spokesman Dick Cheney had this to say: “The Tatwanan’s are better off now. In terms of calories, Halliburton’s shit is richer than millet by orders of magnitude.”