Controversial Editorialist Doesn't See What the Big Deal is About 9-11 

A former editorial writer for a newspaper that prefers to remain anonymous has come forward with a radical perspective on the events of September 11, 2001.  

“I don't see what the big deal is,” the provocative writer told reporters at a Monday press conference. “Boo-fucking-hoo. It's enough already.” Asked to clarify this unfathomable position, he replied, “Doesn't everyone realize we can build new towers and give birth to new people? I mean hello? Everyone’s acting like these are non-renewable quantities!” 

Confronted with gut-wrenching footage of the attacks, this strange man commented, “Why is everyone looking up and screaming? They should've just gone about their business. Clearly we have built new buildings and given birth in the past. I just don't get it!”  

Almost universally reviled, the now destitute man is holding firm to his ludicrous position, telling anyone who will listen that 9-11 has received far too much attention. Bush has come out against the man, saying, “9-11.” More on this as events—other than those of September 11th, 2001—develop.