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the new reality
- Reddish Pink Slime Found Flowing Beanth The Middle East
- New "Sentient Elmo" Raises Concerns, Fisher Price Profits
- Ants Fight Over Peice of Shit
- Micahel Flatly Just One of Several Warlords of the Dance
- All Pretense drops, Americans will Just Vote for Corporations
- America Launches Probe to Investigate Alleged "World History"
- Airlines Ban People From Flights
- Bronson Pinchot May Still Be Alive
- Local Pals Dicuss Women While Playing Some One-On-one
- Iran Attempts to Aquire Schizofusion Anti-Matter
- Golden Calf Worship Makes A Comeback
- Sleeping Grants Are Handed Out In Canada
- Americans Illegally Immigrate in Search of the Mexican and Canadian Dreams
- God Announces Holy Land is Actually in Dayton, Ohio
- Canadians Take Advantage of Americans Mexican Distractions
- Irans New Missile Shaped Nuclear Power Plant
- American Breaths Sigh Of Relief, Canada Votes to Extend Tropp Presence in Afghanistan
- Mr. T. Endures Nietzschean Soul Crisis
- Local Woman Acknowledges Funniness of Suitors Anecdote, But Doesn't Laugh
- Microoganisms Discovered To Be Lazy
- Controversial Editorialist Doesn't see What The Big Deal Is About 911
- Geonocide Ad Puts Damper on Myspace Session
- Corporations to be given A.I. Personalities
- Ex-President George Bush thaws relations with NAACP
- Edward James Olmos Expresses Low-key, Haggard Joy for Success
- New "Fuck Me" Elmo Widens Demographic
- Key Witness an Old Man with an Eccentric Hobby
- Local Man no Afraid of India or China
- More Teen Violence Blamed on Video Games
- Humanity Wipes its Ass With The Waded Shreds of Religion, And Moves The Fuck On
- Regular Tickle Me Elmo Forced on to the Streets
- "Getting By," Dubbed Worlds Worst Video Game
- New Car Will Reach Broad Demographic
- North Korea to Help Iran Set Off Small, Vaugly Nuclear Blast
- Neanderthal Reparations Spark Controversy
- Area Man Disapointed to Find Out his spirit Animal is a Paramecium
- PC USer Attempts to Defrag Pile of Silicone
- Slacker Cell Discovered in Detroit
- Shia and Sunnis Face Off in Well-Choreogrpahed Dance/Street Fight
- Source of Tainted Spinach Found
- Americans Immigrate to Valinor
- N.Korea Deal on Track to Prolong Nuclear Stand-off
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